


What you're doing to me, mon chéri

by trilliastra



Series: Tumblr Fics [33]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alive Hale Family, Alternate Universe - Human, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-21 10:06:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3688158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trilliastra/pseuds/trilliastra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Dearly beloved, we’re gathered here today –”</p>
<p>“Are you fucking kidding me?” Derek growls. He looks furious – no, beyond furious, and it says a lot about Stiles that his only reaction is to take a deep breath and try not to think about Derek growling like that while Stiles fucks into him, running his hands all over Derek’s chest and biceps and Jesus – he really shouldn’t be thinking about Derek’s dick now.</p>
<p>“Dearly beloved,” Cora raises her voice, continues to talk like Derek never interrupted. Laura rolls her eyes, shares an annoyed look with Stiles, “we’re gathered here today to discuss the non-existent relationship between Talia Hale and Sheriff John Stilinski.” She pats Derek’s face, smiles when her brother bats her hand away. “What are we going to do about that?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	What you're doing to me, mon chéri

“Dearly beloved, we’re gathered here today –”

“Are you fucking kidding  _me_?” Derek growls. He looks furious – no,  _beyond_  furious, and it says a lot about Stiles that his only reaction is to take a deep breath and try not to think about Derek growling like that while Stiles fucks into him, running his hands all over Derek’s chest and biceps and  _Jesus_  – he really shouldn’t be thinking about Derek’s dick now.

“ _Dearly beloved,_ ” Cora raises her voice, continues to talk like Derek never interrupted. Laura rolls her eyes, shares an annoyed look with Stiles, “we’re gathered here today to discuss the non-existent relationship between Talia Hale and Sheriff John Stilinski.” She pats Derek’s face, smiles when her brother bats her hand away. “What are we going to do about that?”

“Nothing.” Derek says. “Because this is not a movie and I refuse to be dragged into your stupid plan.”

Cora punches his shoulder. “It’s not stupid!” She protests. “You’re always away  _studying_ , so you don’t know what we have to put up with! She talks about him all the time!” She looks at Laura. “Yesterday she talked about his ass, Derek!”

Stiles feels like throwing up. “Can we – you know,  _not_ talk about that?”

Cora turns to look at him, and Stiles automatically flinches. He can’t help it, the entire Hale family is fucking terrifying. Well, except for Derek. Derek is a ball of fluff that Stiles wants to kiss and cuddle and maybe have adopted babies with.

He even chose their names: Marie, Thomas and Jane. They are all going to live in a big house that he and Derek painted and have a dog named Ron, the Second, named after Derek’s dog that died five years ago.

It’s not embarrassing that he thinks about that every night before falling asleep,  _shut up._

“And  _you_  –” Cora points a finger at him angrily, Stiles almost fall off his chair in surprise, “you said your dad talks about her eyes and the way she smiles. Isn’t it obvious? We  _have_  to do something!”

Before Derek can start protesting again, Laura covers his mouth with a hand. “I hate to admit this, but she’s right.” Derek lets out a muffled ‘ _no’_ , and his older sister pinches his side. “Shut up. Mom is never going to make a move, and I don’t think Stiles’ dad will either.” Cora grins, flops on the couch beside Stiles, kicks at his thigh until he moves and gives her move space. “They deserve to be happy, Der.”

Stiles can see the moment Derek agrees. It’s somewhere in between the nickname and Laura kissing his cheek, and Stiles secretly preens – he  _knew_  Derek was a closeted romantic.

“Fine.” He says, crossing his arm over his chest. The action shows off his muscles and Stiles has to cover a moan with a sneeze. “But if mom finds out I’ll blame you three.”

“ _Three?_ ” Stiles squeaks. “I had nothing to do with it!”

Derek snorts. “Please, this plan has  _Stiles_  written all over it.”

“Shut up, it does not!” He throws his sneaker at him, laughs when Derek throws it back. “Are we done, here? There are three seasons of House of Cards waiting for me at home.”

“Still haven’t watched it?” Derek, honest to God, rolls his eyes. “I’ve been telling you about it for months.”

“Well, some people have  _lives_  to live.”

“Please, you spend your free time playing Pokemon and video-chatting me.”

“You know nothing!”

“So you  _did_  watch Game of Thrones!”

“Yeah, I’m out.” Cora announces, startling Stiles. He had completely forgotten she was there. It’s Derek’s fault though, with his stupid face and sarcasm and the pseudo-flirting they keep throwing back and forth. “I’ll text you about the plan.” She waits for Laura. “You coming or not?”

“Fine.” Laura pouts. “Just when things were getting fun.” She winks at Derek as she passes. “Use protection, baby bro.”

“Laura!” Derek snarls, blushing furiously.

Stiles looks down, pretends he’s not blushing too.

The Hale sisters are evil.  _Evil_.

–

“Why do we have to do the hard part?”

“Because Cora said so.” Derek answers. He’s looking so hot, wearing his leather jacket and the scarf Isaac knitted when he was into that sort of thing back on their senior year. It’s not the best scarf in the world, but it speaks volumes that Derek still has it after three years and uses it in public.

It makes Isaac smile happily every time he sees it and practically fling himself at Derek, holding him like he’s the best thing in the universe.

Which is true, Derek is the best thing in _Stiles’_ universe.

“I think we need a plan called ‘how to stop Cora’.”

“Make it a ‘how to stop Cora and Laura’ and I’m in.” Derek smirks, opens the door for him and lets Stiles walk into the restaurant first.

Talia and Stiles’ dad are late, so they still have time to catch up, talk about school and other things they didn’t before. Stiles teases Derek when the waitress hits on him, blushes stupidly when Derek dismisses her with a kind ‘I have all the company I need, thanks’.

It shouldn’t make him feel hopeful, but it does. And despite knowing Derek only sees him as a friend, Stiles still preens happily when the waitress glares at him.

–

Talia Hale is a stunning woman.

At her forties, she still looks every bit as beautiful. And evil. Compared to her, Cora and Laura are angels, and that’s saying _something_.

She loves to tease Derek, but there’s nothing but love in her eyes when she looks at him.

Stiles loves her like a third mother (the second being Mrs. McCall, but that’s okay – Stiles has a big heart, he can love  _lots_  of people), and he really hopes she will give his dad a chance. It would be good for him, and for her too.

“Ah, sweetie.” Talia smiles, pulling him into a hug strong enough to bruise. Stiles  _loves_  her hugs. “You look great.” She pets his hair. “Although this could use a haircut.”

“I’ve been telling him that for weeks.” Stiles’ dad says from where he’s shaking Derek’s hand. “But he thinks he’s old enough to make his own decisions.”

“And I am!”

“Not when they are stupid.”

Derek snorts, doesn’t even bother hiding it when Stiles glares at him.

“So –” Talia starts after waving the  _Derek-stealer-wannabe_ away with their requests (“ _No, you’re not allowed to eat fries, dad. And Derek isn’t either.” “I think I can answer for myself, Stiles.” “Fries aren’t good for you, Der.” “Yes, mom.”_ ), “what are we doing here?”

“Having lunch.” Derek points out sarcastically. When his mom gives him an unimpressed look he mumbles a quiet apology.

“Derek said you’ve been looking forward to seeing me.” Stiles reaches out to touch Derek’s arm, tries to smooth things out. “And I know for a fact my dad missed our lunch dates, so we decided to kill two birds with one stone.”

Talia and his dad share  _a_ look, and Stiles takes a second to panic. He looks at Derek, wiggles his eyebrows trying to convey ‘ _they know, they know! Fuck what are we going to do?’_  without really saying the words.

“You know you don’t need to lie to us, right?” Talia asks gently, Stiles’ dad nodding beside her.

Stiles’ heart begins to race. He doesn’t know what might be the worst, facing his dad’s fury now or Cora’s later.

“We love you no matter what.” His dad says, reaching out for Stiles’ hand.

“ _What?”_ Derek asks.

Stiles blinks. What the fuck is this Twilight Zone they are living?

“I always knew.” Talia keeps saying. Stiles wants to scream ‘ _nice because I have no idea what you’re talking about!’_  but the waitress is already watching him like a hawk, at any sign of trouble she might kick him out herself. “It was pretty obvious. Derek never stopped talking about you.”

“About  _me_?” Stiles yelps at the same time Derek shouts ‘ _mom!_ ’.

“Is this not –” Stiles’ dad looks at Talia confusedly, “are you not dating?”

_What the fuck._

For a while no one says a thing. Stiles opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He wishes he was dating Derek, wishes this was a lunch to talk about their relationship or maybe their impending marriage, but it isn’t. And that hurts. 

Derek might be sitting right beside him, but he’s never felt so far away.

“Me and Stiles?” Derek finally says. He isn’t laughing, but the tone of his voice gives it away. He doesn’t find the misunderstanding funny like most people would, he finds the idea of  _dating_ Stiles amusing. Ridiculous, even. And that’s just another punch in the gut. “No!”

“Glad to know that you find the idea of dating someone like me so amusing.” Stiles growls, all the hurt and anger coming out in one sentence. “I gotta go.” He adds to Talia and his dad. “Suddenly I’m not that hungry anymore.”

He leaves the restaurant and doesn’t even look back.

–

“Stiles! Wait,  _goddamnit._ ” Derek shouts. Stiles quickens his pace until he’s almost running, but even then Derek still catches up with him. “I didn’t mean it like that!”

“Then what? It’s just me you don’t like? I’m good as a friend but not boyfriend material?” He pushes at Derek’s chest but the asshole is practically  _made_  of steel. “Tell me!”

“Are you being purposefully dense?” Derek shouts back, taking Stiles’ hand to stop him from moving away. “I’ve been in love with you since we were sixteen! I’m the one not good enough for you!”

Stiles manages to free himself, looks up at Derek. “I hate when you say that! You’re smart and beautiful and kind and – and _amazing_! I love you a lot and I wouldn’t love someone I didn’t find good, okay? You are good! You are awesome!” He’s still shouting, and Derek still looks really pissed off. This must be the weirdest love confession ever.

“Well, that’s good.” Derek says, stepping closer. “So what now?”

“Now you kiss me.”

“Why me?”

“I did all the storming out.” Stiles smiles. He’s sweating and his heart is beating faster than ever before. He can’t feel his legs and if Derek doesn’t say anything soon, Stiles fears he will pass out.

Derek shrugs then. “I guess you’re right.” He cups Stiles’ cheek with one hand and the touch sends shivers down his spine. His entire body feels cold except for the part where Derek is touching him, and it’s such a nice feeling he sort of wants to start dancing around the street in happiness.

When their lips touch though, if a bomb exploded behind them Stiles wouldn’t even notice. The entire street disappears and there’s only Derek’s mouth on his, Derek’s muscles under his hands, Derek, Derek,  _Derek._

“I love you. I love you, I love  _you_.”

Derek sighs, starts peppering kisses all over his face. “I love you, too.” He whispers again and again, like a prayer and only for Stiles.

–

“You do know your sisters probably planned this, right?” Stiles asks some time later, when they are in Derek’s bed and blissfully naked.

“Yeah.” Derek huffs out. “They are going to be insufferable.”

Stiles laughs. “This –” he gestures between them, “is worth a little mocking.”

“Yeah.” Derek agrees, eyes softening as he leans in for another kiss. “It is.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have this headcanon that Talia, Laura and Cora always loved to embarrass Derek, so I kind of turned it into a fic.
> 
> [tumblr](http://www.brookesbutler.tumblr.com) if you'd like to stop by and see pics of puppies and Tyler Posey.


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